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I Hate Weddings

I hate to sound like a bitter old man, but I hate weddings. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with marriage. I even hope it happens for me at some point (I can’t say that I’ll be crushed if it doesn’t either). I understand having a huge ceremony and everything, it just throws me off a little bit.

Why am I writing about this? I have a wedding to go to this evening. I really hope my friend Torre (the groom) doesn’t come across this. If he does, I look like a real jerk. You might have already come to that conclusion already anyway. If that’s the case, I’m sorry to offend you.

I anchored sports on the weekends for about three and a half years before I was promoted to a Monday-Friday position. My social life went down the drain, but it was also a built in excuse to miss every wedding I was invited to. That was a huge bonus.

Like I mentioned, my free pass has expired. I’m becoming a grizzled veteran on the wedding circuit. That means at least three or four weekends out of my summer can’t be spent at the lake, at a ballgame, or whatever else. Why can’t everyone get married in April? The weather is still shoddy and there’s nothing really cool going on in the world of sports.

There are a few bonuses to a wedding. There are usually some single women and there’s usually free booze. If there’s not an open bar, count me out. I’m too cheap to pay for drinks at a place I don’t really want to be in the first place. Selfish? Yes. True? Also, yes. I have a feeling there are a couple dudes out there who have my back.

If you want me at your wedding, I’m too nice to tell you no. I’ll just internalize my anger and hold a grudge against you for the rest of my life. Just a heads up.

I’d love to hear your comments. You can easily leave one below, get in touch with me on Twitter @lewissports, or email me at tim@timlewissports.com. I’m also open to encouragement to get through the night. Thanks!

UPDATE: I don’t know what to think right now. My world was rocked last night. My friend and his new wife did it right. Their wedding was great (I never thought I’d say that in my life).

It was all so simple, especially the setting. They held the ceremony and reception outside at his parent’s house (even though the weather didn’t cooperate). It really doesn’t get much easier than that.

The actual wedding (vows, etc.) was incredible. The ceremony didn’t last any longer than five minutes. I’ve never seen anything like it before. I really, really, really hope it’s a trend that catches on.

On top of all that, dinner was good ole’ fashioned barbecue. Have you ever thought about serving potato salad and ribs at your wedding? If you haven’t…you should! Also, instead of having a massive wedding cake, they served a bunch of cupcakes. It was unreal.

They took the conventional way of putting on a wedding and shoved it out the window. Instead of the same old boring crap, they did it their own way. It was refreshing and fun.

After all of my complaining, I had a great time. I don’t know what else to say…I’m stunned.

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