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Top Things Sports Fans Shouldn’t Do

I was looking for something to write about, but I couldn’t come up with many good ideas (I’m not the most creative dude in the world). Looking for some inspiration, I turned to my friends on Twitter. They supplied me with some great ideas (I’ll get to many of them over the next few weeks), but I decided to go with a suggestion by Susie Bush (@AgateShadow). She said I should put together a list of things sports fans shouldn’t do. I thought that was genius. I couldn’t pass it up.

Without further ado…here is my list of Top Things Sports Fans Shouldn’t Do (they are in no particular order, because they are all equally stupid):

Don’t run onto the field in Philadelphia On May 3rd, 17-year-old Steve Consalvi called his dad to ask if it was OK that he take to the field in the middle of the Philadelhpia Phillies game against the St. Louis Cardinals. His pops told him not to do it, but he didn’t listen. He should have. Consalvi was tracked down by a Philadelphia police officer who used a Taser to take him down. It’s one of the pictures of the year as far as I’m concerned. The video might be even better. You can’t really see Consalvi get Tasered (I don’t think Tased is a word), but I get more entertainment watching the cop try to catch up with him. It’s cheap entertainment! 

Don’t puke on other fans out of rage Maybe people should stay away from Philadelphia altogether. On April 14th, Michael Vangelo, a police officer from Easton, Pennsylvania, took his 16-year-old and 11-year-old daughters to a Phillies game against the Washington Nationals. The family’s experience was ruined when the people sitting behind them were yelling “vulgarities and using obscene language.” The dudes even spilled beer on them at one point. Vangelo reported the troublemakers to security, and they were quickly ejected. That’s where Matthew Clemmens comes in. Not even involved in the original incident, Clemmens allegedly took a seat behind Vangelo and his kids, shoved two fingers down his throat, and “projectile vomited” all over the off-duty police officer and11-year-old daughter. I’m not kidding. When other people came to subdue him…he puked on them too. Clemmens faces aggravated assault, simple assault, harassment, and resisting arrest charges. 

NOTE: Puking must be the thing to do in Philadelphia. Don’t click here if you have a sensitive gag reflex.

Don’t cheer for Seattle teams I think Forbes was right on the money when they named Seattle “America’s Most Miserable Sports City”. It’s hard to make a case against the rankings. In 32 years of existence, the Mariners have never played in a World Series (you might as well make it 33 years…they stink again). The Seahawks have only played in one Super Bowl (in 33 seasons). And, the Seattle SuperSonics, the only team in the Emerald City to win a championship (back in 1979), are now the Oklahoma City Thunder. I can’t blame you for sticking by your teams. I just think it might be time to reassess your fanhood. The goal is to win a championship, right?

Don’t steal a ball from Brett Favre I know you’ve probably seen this before, but it never gets old to me. It was a game between the Cincinnati Bengals and Green Bay Packers back in 2005. A Bengals fan stormed onto the field in the middle of play, snatched the football out of Brett Favre’s hands (it’s no surprise that Favre turned it over), and celebrated victoriously while running off the field. The rest is history…(video).

Don’t chase foul balls during batting practice There is nothing funny about this. I’m saying that so you don’t think that I’m an insensitive jerk. A few weeks ago the Chicago Cubs were taking batting practice at Miller Park before their game against the Milwaukee Brewers. In the crowd was 51-year-old Stuart Springstube. He was leaning over a railing in hopes of catching a foul ball. That didn’t go well. Springstube fell 15-feet onto the hard dirt below. He was in the hospital for three weeks until he died last Friday (I told you this wasn’t funny). Not everyone is as lucky as this nut bag. No ball is worth your life. You can get one at the store for a few bucks.

Don’t be a cry baby on national television I went to Washington State University, so I’ve dealt with plenty of heartbreaking losses. None was worse than the Apple Cup in 2002 when the Cougars lost to Washington on the worst call in the history of sports. I was so devastated (Wazzu was No. 3 in the country at the time) that I refused to watch college football for a week. While that’s pathetic, it’s not nearly as pathetic as this. The play-by-play by Chris Fowler, Jesse Palmer, and Craig James is great. This kid needs to realize it’s just a football game (easy for me to say). Thousands of people saw him on national television looking like an idiot and millions more have watched him now on YouTube. Not cool.

Don’t call your local sports guy to complain that your team isn’t on TV I know there is no particular order to my list, but this might be my favorite (I’m extremely biased in this case). I have absolutely no control over what games CBS puts on television. No, I don’t have a switch that can change games (I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked that). I’m sorry that your team isn’t on TV. I’m sorry that as a result you are “not going to watch KREM ever again” (the classic threat I get). I CAN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT! I’m responsible for a local sportscast…not CBS programming. I have much more important things to do than deal with than your whining. Sorry…I needed to vent.

Don’t mess with hockey players I’m not saying this because I play hockey…I’m saying it because it’s the truth. Hockey players are the toughest SOBs on the planet. I’m not really sure why fans would ever screw with these guys, but they do. The results aren’t very pretty. The first example is former NHL goon Rob Ray beating the snot out of a Quebec Nordiques fan who decided to jump into his team’s bench back in 1992. That’s not the only example. This one involves the Boston Bruins going into the stands to fight some New York Rangers fans in 1979 (I love old time hockey). One of the players even takes off a guy’s shoe and beats him with it (it happens at about the :36 mark). That player is Mike Milbury…now an NHL analyst (he has a tendency to do stupid things).

I’m sure there are millions of other things sports fans shouldn’t do. I know that you’re creative enough to come up with them. My mind ran dry. I would love to hear what you think. Please leave a comment below or email me at tim@timlewissports.com. You can also reach me on Twitter @TLKREM2 or @lewissports or on the “Fans of Tim Lewis” Facebook page. I’ll share your ideas in a future post. Please link pictures and videos if they are available.

Moving on…

A reader suggested that I do a running diary of a Seattle Mariners game (throwing in my observations, etc.). I’m thinking about doing that tomorrow. I’m playing golf in the morning, but if I make it back in time for the first pitch against the San Diego Padres, I’m all over it. If not, I’ll be sure to do it one of these days. Hopefully it will be as entertaining as I’m visualizing.

I guess we’ll find out when it happens.

Have a great weekend!

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